Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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