If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
