dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
