she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
