i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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