whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
