he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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