uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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