if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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