is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
