I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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