Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just had sex bonerless
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
