Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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