I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
