Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
