I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
