He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Two words: nipple clamps
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