i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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