Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
