peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
