I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
