And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
