Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize