My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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