then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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