How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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