so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize