yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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