wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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