i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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