I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
