Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
