i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
