You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I think i got beer on your cat.
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