I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
