I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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