When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
