Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Im part way to drunk.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
