how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just googled if crying burns calories
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
