Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
