His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
