Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
