Can Purell be used as lube?
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize
