what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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