Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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