they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
