So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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