Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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