a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
how drunk are you?
Several
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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