I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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