Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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