No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
