I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
