Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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