Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
