He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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