so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
