We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
