Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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