He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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