loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
