Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your penis caused this!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
