There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
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