i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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