There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
