I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
