I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
