Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
