Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
