youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
