I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
